File Under “Innuendo”: Obamagate

This week we learned that Barack Obama committed many crimes. Which crimes? Obvious crimes. Disgraceful crimes. Crimes that shouldn’t be allowed to happen again. So many crimes, in fact, and of such great magnitude that they deserve their own designation: Obamagate. And that’s how you know they happened. And that they were bad. Because they don’t just put -gate onto anything.


“Obamagate. It’s been going on for a long time,” we were informed by our Insinuator-in-Chief. “It’s been going on from before I even got elected, and it’s a disgrace that it happened, and if you look at what’s gone on, and if you look at now, all this information that’s being released—and from what I understand, that’s only the beginning—some terrible things happened, and it should never be allowed to happen in our country again. And you’ll be seeing what’s going on over the next, over the coming weeks but I, and I wish you’d write honestly about it but unfortunately you choose not to do so.” When asked what exactly Obama did, Trump elaborated: “You know what the crime is. The crime is very obvious to everybody. All you have to do is read the newspapers, except yours.”

(Incidentally, I read “the newspapers” and I actually didn’t see any mention of the very obvious crime. If you can send me a link or a citation, I’d appreciate it.)

Innuendo. Vague, elusive, oblique. No specificity of any kind whatsoever.

The statement consists of five mentions of “it.” Seven references to “going on,” “gone on” or “happened/happening” and three mentions of “things” or “the crime.” That’s it. Not a single specific noun or verb. Nothing. Not even a general classification of the category. Were they high crimes, perhaps? Or misdemeanors? Burglary? Espionage? Cattle rustling? Nothing. Just innuendo.

Is this really all that it takes to convince Trump’s loyal fans that a crime (or crimes) was (or is being) committed? Apparently it is. Because Obamagate was everywhere today.

Not only are vague innuendo and a catchy moniker sufficient proof for some people to be willing to convict a man of virtually anything. But today I learned that exposing the innuendo to the scrutiny of the Twitterverse will make our once-great nation Great Again. Clever trumpsters have in fact found the clues hiding right there in plain sight: #ObaMAGAte. And that’s all the proof anyone needs.

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